I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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