You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
