I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
