I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
