dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
