shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
