She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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