He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
