I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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