NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
