I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
