I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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