I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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