When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
