So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
