I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
