So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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