just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your penis caused this!
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