Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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