I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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