you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
