apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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