i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
