Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
