Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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