Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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