it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
