So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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