I want to have your abortion
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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