He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
