He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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