Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
