I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
