I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
