I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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