Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
