we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
