my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
