This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
