I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
