My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
