Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this will be a night to untag.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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