Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
