I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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