We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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