All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
