Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
