I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
