I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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