It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
