I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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