Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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