You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
