At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
