wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
