I accidentally had phone sex last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
