Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
