sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
