I wish I could punch you in the face.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
